Day 322 – Bella Bluebird

Art Apple - Day Three Hundred Twenty TwoHow shall we adjust to the morning silence that does not belong
In the empty space left by the absence of our bluebirds song?
– Wendell Long

Yesterday I got a phone call. A friend had passed away unexpectedly.

I had only met Nicolle in the end of June but the news came very hard for me. You see, Nicolle lived with chronic illness. She and I bonded very quickly over a few mornings of coffee. We discussed the things we had in common; years looking for a diagnosis, stories of dealing with the health care system, our love of animals, our mutual sadness of never having been able to conceive a child, and intimate details of a difficult road.

Although I hadn’t known Nicolle long, I felt I had found someone I could call at any time and find understanding. I had found someone who I could make plans with and cancel at the last minute with no worries about being judged. In fact we were all going to go hear a local cover band last month and Nicolle called a couple of hours before and said she wasn’t up to it. I was disappointed – I wanted her to have an evening away – to be in a “safe” circle of understanding friends and just let the music absorb her. I wanted it for her because I wanted it for me and I thought it might be good for her. I’m glad she didn’t go – I’m so very glad she listened to her body and knew that I would understand. I didn’t think she was looking like she felt too well but she was beautiful and spunky and seemed to have energy and light.

I don’t know why people come into and out of our lives. I believe all encounters are meant to be and have life lessons attached. Nicolle and I met by chance. A phone number I had taken off a bulletin board at the local store a year earlier for pet sitting was still on my refrigerator when I needed to find someone to watch our home and pets when we went to Maine over the July 4th holiday. What if I had called that number last August when I first needed it? We would have had almost a year to know and love and share and support one another. What if I had tossed it away long ago and never met her?

What if?

I’m feeling so many mixed emotions right now. I should have seen something. I should have called last week when my gut said I needed to – it had been too long. I should have been there for her more.

We sat here on my deck a few weeks ago and she was telling me how unwell she was feeling and I asked her why she didn’t go to the doctor and she said she was tired of being in the hospital; she was tired of them not knowing what was wrong with her and she just wanted to be at home. What if I could have done something…

Nicolle, Bella Bluebird, passed away Monday morning. She laid down and went to sleep in her home. Rest in peace sweet friend – I will miss you and hold you in my heart. Thank you for coming into my life if even for a moment. True to you’re name your were beautiful happiness.

Until tomorrow.

Jenna

Day 322 was created in mixed media of collage and paint – and a touch of gold.

 

 

 

 

10 Replies to “Day 322 – Bella Bluebird”

  1. Dearest Jenna~
    I’m so sorry to hear this, for you & her friends and family. Strangely enough, I thought you weren’t feeling well this week. I thought perhaps your arthritis symptoms were kicking up. It never occured to me it was something much, much worse. Grieve is a difficult emotion to endure. I’m shining a light on your darkness. See it? 🙂 My thoughts are with you….
    ~Melissa.xo

  2. Yes, you did do her memory justice. The piece and the apple are beautiful. I, too, would like to shine light on your darkness. What a lovely way to express a thought. Thank you, Melissa.

  3. Jenna, I’m so sorry ) : You don’t have to know someone a long time to love them, and grieve for them when they go. Some people become dear to us so quickly. Nicole must have been a beautiful, special person, and your tribute to her is equally beautiful – both the art and your words. I think she’d love it. May your friend rest in peace, Jenna. And may you find peace as well.

    Sending my love,
    Elin

  4. Jenna — What a beautiful tribute to your friend. You are both so fortunate to have found each other. I am so sorry she is no longer with you, but you have wonderful memories.

  5. I’m so sorry for your lose Jenna. A brief friendship that I’m sure you will miss.

    To echo Melissa, you did indeed do Nicolle’s memory justice with this magnificent apple, and sincere post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.