I’m tired – but that isn’t a feeling.
I’m tired – of making apples.
As much as I love what I’m doing – and I do love it… I’m tired of so much of all of this.
Is it ok that I just admitted that? I’ve been criticized for being too optimistic, too positive, for sugar coating things and for not talking enough about AS. Well – guess what I have to say to that… I DON’T CARE. I’m doing this for me as much as I’m doing it for what I believe in. If that causes some to question my motives well, I can do nothing about that.
I’m happy, I’m optimistic and I have AS – it is possible. Oh, and so you know – my head is pounding, my neck brace is on because my neck is killing me, and I feel like I could sleep for a year right now. Does that make everyone happy – I just bitched about my AS.
I will make every gosh darned apple no matter how much my neck hurts, no matter how tired I am, and no matter how much I’m criticized. I set out to do this – for so many reasons – one of which was to prove I could accomplish something regardless of this stupid disease. Yes, that I could do it. It is a personal journey, a very solitary journey at times, and I’m tired of being misunderstood. My heart is aching and split in two. I just wanted to do something good for myself and a few others along the way.
Now, my pity party is over. This is the only time you will ever see it – that is MY way. It should be respected as much as someone else’s way.
Day 298 is a collage made with watercolor, graphite, and a few scraps from my old dictionary.